i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
