hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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