you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
