I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
