I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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