Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
