A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
