i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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