Will you blow on my dice?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize