If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize