Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
