i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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