Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
