he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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