Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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