i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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