just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
