There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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