Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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