u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
