Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
