I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
