i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
