this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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