ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
