I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
