I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
