well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
