Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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