i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
