im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
