I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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