I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
