Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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