She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That accounts for only three of the penises
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
