Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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