Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
