You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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