bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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