Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
