Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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