worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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