He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
