I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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