he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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