I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
