go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
