Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
