what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
