Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
