Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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