saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
