There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
