i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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