Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
