You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
