Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
