So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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