Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Found your dick twin last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
