Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.

Fav 17 4157 926
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(757): View more from Virginia

I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

Fav 13 10098 2200
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(818): View more from California

I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.

Fav 23 4372 1265
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.

Fav 25 5019 1343
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(818): View more from California

I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

Fav 4 1243 2372
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(417): View more from Missouri

I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.

Fav 8 2411 1116
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before

Fav 0 781 824
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(908): View more from New Jersey

maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?

Fav 0 81 28
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(678): View more from Georgia

The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.

Fav 0 16 60
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