I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this just has baby written all over it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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