omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
