just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
