Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
