i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
