So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
