I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
