Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize