I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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